okay pat passed out under dana's car
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
