Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
