The maid of honor just puked.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
