The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
