AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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