is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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