I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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