Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
