Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
