Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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