I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Terrible idea I love it
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
