Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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