there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
