I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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