I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
