well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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