called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
