I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
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today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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