My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
