I intend to get homeless drunk
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
