i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
