U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
