I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
