Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
