miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
