She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
North Korea, Best Korea!
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
