The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
