I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
