I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
