You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
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