You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he quoted the bible to break up with me
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize