My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
