id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
