so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
