I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We left an ass print on the piano.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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