she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
