Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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