i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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