I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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