the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
