it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
tell me about the fingering
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
