We named our party play list daddy issues
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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