i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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