my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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