Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
