I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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