My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
