my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think a kid would responsible me up
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
