imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
