don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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