Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
