I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize