i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize