I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
