I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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