Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
