i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
