Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
