Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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