i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
