if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
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