Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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