I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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