Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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