Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
