When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
