His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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