idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
