we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
