I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
