Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
