Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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