Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
