it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
